"What usually has the strongest psychic effect on the child is the life which the parents...have not yet lived."
As a child, I watched how my parents lived their lives. They both worked hard, barely made ends meet, and over and over again sacrificed to someone or something else. They gave themselves away to each other, to their culture, to their work, to their bills, and to me. They are both gone now, and as I reflect, I see their lives were not without accomplishment or growth. Indeed, I think they did their growth work in their own way. Sometimes consciously, sometimes not.
When they passed I believe they transitioned better people. However, I do not believe either lived their true potential. They lived a potential, but perhaps not their truest, most fulfilling potential.
They probably watched their parents sacrifice, who watched theirs, and theirs before them. For generations we have lived the way of self-sacrifice. I followed the road map of should and self-sacrifice for many years. I followed these until the quantum waved its flag toward my attention and I learned there is a truer way of being. A way that is beneficial to everyone, myself included.
Sacrifice is a loss of something you give up, usually for the sake of a better cause. Parents sacrifice time and sleep to take care of their children. The sacrifices made as parents are gladly given in order to do the best for our children. That's a good thing. And everyone makes sacrifices for others in many ways. If sacrifice is rooted in caring, sharing, and comes from a balanced center the outcome is beneficial.. We have, however, given ourselves over to the vagaries of self-sacrifice. We are out of balance and have lost who we truly are.
When we lose ourselves, we begin to feel inadequate and insecure. Our self-esteem chips away, and we try to find ways to compensate. We sacrifice ourselves to the "Gods" of drink, drugs, self flagellation, even to divine beings. We go to church, take communion, do penance, pay karma, volunteer when we need rest, all to appease whatever our "god" happens to be. Anything to "find" fulfillment, and to fill the hole. We will never be whole by trying to fill the hole.
If we are ever to dig ourselves out from the hole of self-deception and reside in the wholeness of our self, the paradigm of self-sacrifice needs to shift to a paradigm of true self love. Fulfillment occurs when we live from a balanced, loving center, being fully human and fully divine. It doesn't mean we are perfect. Trying to be perfect is just another form of sacrificing ourselves to some standard outside ourselves, a standard which is based in familial and cultural agenda.
Our family and western culture tells us we are selfish if we love ourselves. This is a form of control based upon a narcissistic definition of self love and is not a quantum, universally based definition. The self-love to which I refer arises naturally as we shed our self-distortions and occurs when we do our personal work, preferably with consciousness..
I feel the truth in Carl Jung's quote cited above. My parent's influence came not so much from what they did, but from what they didn't do. In gratitude, my attempt to live differently is my gift back to them. Pass it along.
The Playbook facilitates a process which will help you release your self-distortions. Think of a situation or a person to which you feel you are giving yourself away. Self-select a matrix and follow the process outlined for that matrix. Notice if there is a change.
Remember to do the "Make a Difference" step outlined for each matrix with which you play.